When heading for a brick wall, do you grab the wheel and struggle to turn, or do you jump out?

[wildraven]

Strange party with my teammates tonight.

Saw some good sides to people.

Saw some bad sides too.

I'm watching one friend become more and more self destructive. He so clearly needs help, needs medication, needs anger management, needs therapy... needs help... help I can neither give nor would he be willing to seek.

I'm watching him drive himself into a brick wall, yet can't do anything about it.


I had a talk with him more than a month ago about his temper and my worry/fears. It bothered him but he appreaciated it. He needs to come back again. I put it out there. He's drowning in the water and I can only hold out the stick, I can't make him grab it... and I won't jump in after him.

So many of us have tried to talk to him. So many from so many different angles.


He's becoming more socially awkward, venting bile over small things at strange and inappropriate times.


It's like dealing with an alcoholic who loses his temper, does something stupid, and then stands there going, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."



I know I've done what I can. I've said something without risking going down with the ship. My experience tells me you can only put it out there, they have to ask you what you think they should do. Otherwise, you are talking to a brick wall. I just worry... and hope he will ask sometime... maybe sometime soon.



But most importantly, I know... I know... I know... I can not be in the car when he drives himself into a brick wall.

Comments

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

No. I will not let you be in that car when he drives into a brick wall.

He has always been needy and we have always been there for him. Legal advice, letters of rec, social advice etc. You have gone out on a limb several times to talk to him and risk his wrath and also to make sure (ie emails to the team) that he realizes how much he is valued.

Last night proved something to me: that people can have tremendous anger issues to the point of pathology, but not be "bad people". It is easy for me, in my field, to quickly label. I won't do so as quickly now.

But he is determined that his righteous rage at life is more important than manners, other people's feelings, and his own reputation. You can't help someone with that level of anger; only be there if they gain the self awareness that enables them to talk with you.

He needs meds. I say that because I really believe it. He is fighting a battle with his own brain and he is losing. He needs something to readjust his chemical alignment. Sadly, I think the Dorcester machismo might prevent him from getting what I think he needs or at last getting help from a professional who can actually diagnose what he needs (rather than my lay opinion).

I have not met P when he hasn't needed this level of care. I feel he will always need it. And I am not willing to go down that road with him---and to be honest---I think he needs to go down it alone so that he can face whatever demons he has to face.